The Explosive Child: A Game-Changing Guide for Moms and Dads with an Angry Child

When your child melts down over seemingly minor issues, leaving you feeling helpless and exhausted, you're not alone. As a therapist specializing in child therapy in Edmond, I've worked with countless families struggling with explosive behaviors in older children and pre-adolescents. Dr. Ross Greene's groundbreaking book, "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (6th ed.) offers a revolutionary approach that transforms how we understand and respond to challenging behaviors in children, particularly those ages 8-13 who are developing increased cognitive abilities but still struggle with emotional regulation.

This review explores Greene's evidence-based Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, examining how it can help moms and dads navigate the complex world of raising an angry child in the pre-adolescent years. We'll dive deep into the three distinct approaches—Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C—and discover why traditional discipline methods often fail with explosive children. Whether you're dealing with daily meltdowns or occasional outbursts, this book provides the roadmap you've been searching for to build a more collaborative relationship with your child.

Understanding the Explosive Child: Beyond Traditional Labels

What Makes a Child "Explosive"?

Dr. Greene defines explosive children as those who respond to routine problems with extreme frustration—crying, screaming, kicking, hitting, or destroying property. These children frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other challenging behaviors, leaving parents feeling scared, worried, and desperate for help.

In my practice, I've observed that explosive children aren't manipulative or attention-seeking. Instead, they lack crucial cognitive skills needed to handle frustration and flexibility demands. Greene's research reveals that these children have lagging skills in areas such as:

• Executive functioning
• Emotional and self-regulation
• Cognitive flexibility
• Social communication
• Problem-solving abilities

The Neuroscience Behind Explosive Behavior

Modern neuroscience supports Greene's approach and aligns perfectly with Dr. Daniel Siegel's concept of "flipping your lid." When older children and pre-adolescents face demands that exceed their developmental capacity, their brains become overwhelmed. The amygdala (fight-or-flight center) hijacks rational thinking—what Siegel describes as the brain "flipping its lid"—making traditional consequences ineffective. This neurological understanding explains why punishment often escalates rather than reduces explosive episodes in children ages 8-13.

During pre-adolescence, children's brains are undergoing significant development. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for executive functioning and emotional regulation, is still maturing while emotional centers are highly active. This creates a perfect storm for explosive behavior when children encounter frustration or unexpected changes. Understanding this brain development helps moms and dads respond with patience rather than frustration when their child's lid "flips."

The Revolutionary CPS Model: A Paradigm Shift

Moving Beyond Compliance to Collaboration

The Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model represents a revolutionary approach to understanding and helping children with challenging behavior. Unlike traditional behavioral approaches focused on compliance, CPS emphasizes problem-solving partnership between parent and child.

This model operates on two fundamental principles:

1. Kids do well if they can - challenging behavior occurs when demands exceed a child's capacity
2. Unmet expectations are best addressed through collaborative problem-solving

The Three Plans: A, B, and C Explained

Plan A: The Adult's Way (High Priority, Adult Concerns Addressed)

Plan A is what many parents default to - imposing your will as the adult. In Plan A, the parent decides what happens, when it happens, and how it happens. The child's perspective isn't considered, and compliance is expected immediately.

Examples of Plan A:

• Immediately requiring bedtime without discussion
• Demanding electronic devices be turned off instantly
• Insisting on specific food choices without flexibility

When Plan A Works: Plan A can be effective for safety issues that require immediate compliance, such as:

• Crossing streets safely
• Not touching hot stoves
• Getting in car seats

Plan A's Limitations with Explosive Children: For explosive children, Plan A frequently triggers meltdowns because it doesn't address their lagging skills. When demands exceed their capacity, explosive episodes become inevitable. Continued reliance on Plan A creates a cycle of conflict and emotional exhaustion for the entire family.

Plan C: The Child's Way (Low Priority, Child's Concerns Addressed)

Plan C involves dropping your expectation entirely, at least temporarily. This isn't "giving in" or being permissive—it's strategic prioritization. With explosive children, you can't address every problem simultaneously without overwhelming everyone involved.

Examples of Plan C:

• Temporarily accepting unconventional clothing choices for errands
• Being flexible about meal preferences during stressful periods
• Delaying non-essential household tasks when emotions are high

Strategic Use of Plan C: Plan C reduces overall family stress by eliminating non-essential battles. This creates emotional space for addressing higher-priority issues through Plan B. Many mothers initially resist Plan C, fearing they're failing as parents. However, strategic Plan C use actually strengthens your ability to address important issues effectively.

Plan B: The Collaborative Way (High Priority, Both Concerns Addressed)

Plan B represents the heart of Greene's approach. Plan B develops a helping relationship, solves problems, teaches lagging cognitive skills, and reduces the frequency and intensity of challenging behavior. This collaborative approach addresses both adult and child concerns simultaneously.

The Three Steps of Plan B:

1. Empathy Step: Gather information about your child's concern or perspective
   • Express genuine curiosity about their experience with morning routines
   • Listen actively without judgment or immediate solutions
2. Define Adult Concern: Share your perspective respectfully
   • Communicate the importance of punctuality for family functioning
   • Avoid language that assigns blame or shame
3. Invitation: Collaborate on solutions addressing both concerns
   • Invite creative thinking that honors both perspectives
   • Brainstorm together without dismissing any ideas initially

Proactive vs. Emergency Plan B

Proactive Plan B occurs when emotions are calm, addressing problems before they trigger explosions. This timing maximizes success because both parent and child can think clearly.

Emergency Plan B happens during or immediately after an explosive episode. While less ideal, it can still de-escalate situations and prevent further escalation.

Implementing the CPS Approach: Practical Strategies

Identifying Your Child's Lagging Skills

Before implementing Plan B effectively, mothers must identify their child's specific skill deficits. Greene provides assessment tools helping parents recognize patterns in explosive episodes. Common lagging skills include:

• Difficulty transitioning between activities
• Problems with emotional regulation
• Inflexibility with changes in routine
• Trouble expressing needs appropriately
• Challenges with social communication

Creating Your Plan B Agenda

Successful CPS implementation requires prioritizing problems systematically. List all ongoing issues, then categorize them:

• High Priority (Plan B): Safety issues, problems affecting family functioning
• Medium Priority (Future Plan B): Important but manageable for now
• Low Priority (Plan C): Non-essential issues that can be dropped temporarily

Building Your Child's Problem-Solving Skills

Through repeated Plan B conversations, children develop crucial cognitive abilities. They learn to:

• Identify and articulate their concerns
• Consider others' perspectives
• Generate creative solutions
• Evaluate solution effectiveness
• Adjust approaches when needed

The Science Behind Greene's Approach

Research Supporting CPS

Multiple studies validate the effectiveness of Greene's approach. Research demonstrates that CPS:

• Reduces aggressive behavior more effectively than traditional behavioral interventions
• Improves family relationships and communication
• Decreases parental stress and burnout
• Develops children's executive functioning skills

Neuroplasticity and Skill Development

The brain's neuroplasticity allows children to develop new cognitive skills through repeated practice. Plan B conversations literally rewire neural pathways, building capacity for flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving.

For mothers working with an angry child, this neuroscience provides hope. Your child's brain is constantly developing, and patient, consistent CPS implementation creates lasting positive changes.

References

Greene, R. W. (2021). The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (6th ed.). Harper Paperbacks. Available on Amazon
• Child Mind Institute. (2025). "Angry Kids: Dealing With Explosive Behavior." Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/angry-kids-dealing-with-explosive-behavior/
• National Center for Biotechnology Information. "Behavior